Not Quite Walking Away

I know what I was missing; I just didn't want to admit it. I thought I was doing ok, being strong with the crazy schedule and mixed up world. I thought I was fine where I was with myself, my boy, and God...

I was wrong!

Last night, during our prayertime after **SHINE** (that's the middle school all girl small group April and I started), I broke down and told her that I felt that I was walking away from God. Yes, it was because of said boy, but not because of him, if you get my drift. It was all my doing. I was being lazy and not setting my boundaries, not taking time to talk to God, not telling my "acountabilibuddy" about what's on my heart. And it's because of this that I was questioning, that I was becoming sad, the way I was when I didn't know Christ. I needed prayer and wasn't ready to ask for it, at least for myself.

Ah. Prayer. It's the one thing that can get me out of a rut, get me out of a bad mood, get me out and about again. Just knowing that God is there to listen 24/7 to anything that I tell him amazes me. How can it be that something sooooooooooo big can have time to listen to something that I say, someone so small and a bit messed up?

I keep reminding myself that he is there, that he cares, that he loves me so much. He hasn't given up on me, so I'm not giving up on him. I'm not quite walking away. It was only a few steps back that I took. I'm ready to move foreward.